Proof that it DOES get better

If my sister did not check on me that one night in January of 2020, I would not be here. Check in on the people around you.
4 candles because January marks 4 years of staying alive. Every single day of my life I was told that I was the bubbliest girl people knew, genuinely every single day. I became known as the bright and bubbly girl because you could not find me without a smile on my face. I started to realize that a smile was enough to cover my pain. When I would finally be left alone, the smile would fade away. Behind closed doors I would cry without end. I wanted my life to end…or at least I thought I did.
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Relapse is a part of recovery

STOP PRAISING WEIGHT LOSS! Join me in my eating disorder recovery because you deserve to enjoy your meals.
If you’ve been struggling with your relationship with food – that’s okay. I am so proud of you for taking the first step: realizing that you are struggling – and that’s okay. I am struggling right by your side, please do not forget that you are NEVER alone in your eating disorder battle. In this battle, I hope you join me on the recovery journey because, truthfully, if you are not recovering then you are slowly dying.
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Awareness Months

Raising mental health awareness for the other eleven months of the year.
September: National Suicide Awareness Month. October: Mental Health Awareness Month. November: Nothing. Throughout September and October we see everyone posting about suicide rates: “Here for you,” “You’re not alone,” “Reach out for help,” “Check on your friends,” until suddenly it stops.
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The Unseen Injury

The stigma around mental illnesses is completely absurd. If people treated mental illnesses just like physical illnesses, the world would literally be a different place.
Everyone lives their life with struggles, but those that are mentally ill have to live their life with 3,000 extra pounds on their back. The most interesting part is that no one sees that weight. It is almost as if it is an “invisible” illness. Everyone says “check on your friends,” but they always seem to check on the ones that seem upset. The person that smiles at you every time you walk past them, the person that never stops laughing, the person that seems overly confident; these are the people that are silently crying for help. They hide their suffering because they do not want to be a burden to other people. “I’m just tired” is a phrase that is constantly used when covering the true feeling behind it: “I need help.” The number of people that are silently suffering and are afraid to ask for help is far too high. 
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What an amazing day it will be

Imagine being alive with thousands of wounds in your body. This is the visual of my life, yet the world is blind to my pain.
“You will not be okay.” These are the only words we want to hear when we feel numb in this world. Battling emotions is harder than battling a virus; being in a constant battle inside your own head. Getting better is not part of my plan; not quite the last step. The suffering in my life is something I have learned to live with.
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The unspoken affect of COVID

While the world was consumed with the physical affects on our health, I was fighting for my life against the pandemic’s mental health affects.
On December 12, 2019, a patient in Wuhan, China, presented a strange case of pneumonia; the mysterious symptoms spread throughout China until the World Health Organization received news of a potential new virus. At that time, I was severely struggling with my mental health; the additional news of an unknown virus was detrimental to my mental state.
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Skin and Bones

I was always intrigued by psychology, but in a single moment, on a hospital floor, I became certain of my vocation.
Skin and bones. Skin and bones being pushed around in a wheelchair. From hospital room 301, I watched as people were wheeled around the Eating Disorder Unit. Sometimes I saw average-sized patients, but this patient looked different. A young girl; torn down into skin and bones, the standard image of a patient with Anorexia. I looked down at my own body, but I saw more than skin and bones.
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