The unspoken affect of COVID

While the world was consumed with the physical affects on our health, I was fighting for my life against the pandemic’s mental health affects.

On December 12, 2019, a patient in Wuhan, China, presented a strange case of pneumonia; the mysterious symptoms spread throughout China until the World Health Organization received news of a potential new virus. At that time, I was severely struggling with my mental health; the additional news of an unknown virus was detrimental to my mental state. In January of 2020, the virus became known as COVID-19, the result of a severe respiratory illness. My own mind was battling against me, how could I bear the thought of battling yet another illness on my own? I could not focus on battling the illness already existing in my mind. On January 13 of that year, officials confirmed the first case of COVID-19 outside of China; On that same day, I committed my first attempt. I was trying to battle an invisible illness, while another illness was making its way into my life. I questioned the meaning behind my own existence, and at that point, I could not find one. I thought about the energy I needed to survive; the energy to battle my own mind, the energy to overcome each day, the energy to fight through a pandemic, the energy to prosper academically; I concluded that I did not have enough energy. The last of my energy, I used it to swallow bottles of pills. COVID-19 affected my wellbeing, including my academic stability, so severely that I never wanted to live through another day; yet here I am, despite it all.   

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